Marital Mondays: Darth Vader is Cruel & Bobby Brown Likes It!
Hannibal and I were lying in bed sharing childhood memories the other night. I asked him if he could help me solve a mystery from my youth. He listened raptly.
I explained that when I was eight years old, I was skating down Virginia Road listening to my brand new “Don’t Be Cruel” Bobby Brown album in my Sony Walkman. Boy, I could skate! Anyway, I was rolling and I jumped over a familiar bump in the sidewalk like I usually did. This time the Walkman, which was precariously clipped to my hot pink biker shorts, flew off of my waist and crashed against the uneven pavement.
I spun around on my pink and white Roller Derby skates with the headphone cord dangling near my stomach. When I squatted down to pick up the Walkman, I noticed that the tape was nowhere to be found. There were no bushes. I looked around. There was no one in sight! Where the hell was my tape? I searched up and down the block at least nine times. I loved that album!
“Was there a gutter?” Hannibal asked.
“Probably. I mean most streets in LA have gutters.” I shrugged.
“That’s it. It went in the gutter.” He replied, knowingly.
“That’s it? That’s your answer? That’s impossible. My tape didn’t go from concrete to grass in to the street and then ricochet backwards into a gutter. That has to be against the laws of physics.”
“Occam’s Razor. The simplest answer has to be the right one.” He said. Even though I definitely hadn’t checked in the gutter, I wasn’t going for that answer.
Hannibal then offered to comfort me with one of his childhood mysteries. He was raised by his great aunt and uncle and they pretty much let him run amok in specified areas of the house. Each Friday night, instead of sleeping in his own bed, he slept in the den on the sofa bed so he could stay up well past midnight watching music videos on NBC.
On the Friday in question, he and his stuffed dog, Henry, watched the videos as usual. This night, he had placed his Classic Darth Vader Action figure on the floor in the bed of his Tonka dump trunk. In the morning it was gone. He tore up the sofa bed looking for it. He looked in every room of the house, but he never saw it again.
“Your Darth Vader action figure left Memphis and came to Los Angeles to steal my Bobby Brown cassette tape, and he’s listening to it in Lost Toys Heaven. Good night.”
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