Marital Mondays: How to Be a Better Husband or a Douche Bag

I was browsing the internet searching for blog inspiration when I stumbled upon The Better Husband Blog. It’s a blog full of tips on how to be a better husband. I read a few of them and realized that Hannibal already does most of them. That made me happy. Then I asked him what his tip would be and his answer reminded me that though he does most of these things, he’s still a douche bag. Here’s how the conversation went.

M: Honey, what’s a tip you could give to other husbands to make them better.

H: I don’t know.

M: *sigh* Come on, Hannibal. If you’re doing most of this stuff already, you must be some kind of husband guru or something.

H: I don’t know, baby. I can’t come up with something that fast.

M: You have a degree in English!

H: A degree. Not a turbo brain.

M: Well, you paid $30,000 a year for college. The least they could have done was sped up your sagacity.

H: Myshell, what do you want from me here?

M: I want a tip!

H: Oh, I’ll give you the tip. *chuckle*

M: (frown)

H: What do you care? You’re not a husband. Fine. Being a better husband means being a better father.

M: That’s awful.

H: I thought you were looking for heartwarming!

M: We’re not heartwarming. We’re kooks!

H: Okay, my tip is: Don’t leave empty containers and bottles in the refrigerator.

M: That’s not your tip. I just fussed at you about that tonight!

H: I know. Now I’m sharing it with all the brothers out there.

M: But you didn’t know it already! You just learned it!

H: I ain’t ask you all that.

M: Could you just give a good tip — your *own* tip?!

H: Baby, almost all my tips are based on things you say, because you’re such a good instructor. You know yourself so well and you’re expressive.

M: Awww, that’s so sweet, Hannibal. *blush*

H: smiling

M: Wait, did you just use a tip on me?

H: Either that or I was patronizing you. It’s hard to tell.

1 Comment

  1. Super laughing! Said,

    March 24, 2011 @ 9:55 am

    HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!