Archive for April, 2011

Marital Mondays: Ill

Love really becomes a lot clearer
when you have your face in your
daughter’s hello kitty trash can
and liquified French fries spewing
from your rear end.

He’s there
reminding you that the benefit
of having short hair
is that you don’t have to
hold it back when you vomit.

Love is
rubbing away lower back aches
and typing blog dictation.

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Thematic Thursdays: Boom!

Boom! Fresh cuts, teal nail polish, auburn locs, rhinestone belts, stilettos and rhymes so sick your great grandkids’ kids need a neurosurgeon. If you missed Jimetta Rose, Nikki Blak, Tamara Blue, Judy Holiday, and Simply Kat at Brass Knuckles this past Monday, you might as well feel horrible and have sex with elves.

As the lovely host, Jaha Zainabu put it, we heard “five distinct voices” from the Boom Girls, and each of these stylish beacons of inspiration certainly offered a contrasting piquantness for my poetic palate. The weekly event at Kaos in Leimert Park includes an open pic during the earlier part of the evening and a featured artist at about 10pm. Monday night being Brass Knuckles’ anniversary show, hosts Judy Holiday and Nikki Blak decided to wow audience members with a never before seen collaboration performance featuring themselves and their closest homegirls — The Boom Girls.

Jimetta Rose opened the performance commanding the room with her sultry voice. I’m sure as she was crooning, “Everybody wants to join the circus,” Mahalia Jackson sat up in her grave at least twice and Jill Scott is in a mirror in Philly trying to match Ms. Rose’s stage presence. Even with my bias — having stood on a table (fist pumping in the air) watching Jimetta perform the song “Two Years” at the Temple Bar circa 2002 — you should trust that the performance was that amazing.

Out of nowhere, as Jimetta was winding down, came the poetic stylings of someone I didn’t know at all — Simply Kat. Her aggressive tongue, however, had no problem introducing herself. In her deep Lauren Hill meets Eve voice, she rattled off words illustrating exactly who she was — the “ride or die” chick of the group. She had so many quotable lines during her performance! “We a vampire’s wet dream/ laid in each other/ like coffins/ fucking each other out of yesterday’s blues.” Yeah … that one is gonna stick with me. The controversial poem “Pink” in defense of Nikki Minaj is every nonjudgmental artist’s dream married to every feminist’s nightmare. I loved it. It clearly depicted the glass houses that many throw bricks from and celebrated Minaj’s talents versus her often contrived image.

Once each artist had done an introductory poem, all five articulate divas graced the stage at once. Tamara Blue with her ankle resting on the opposite knee, Jimetta with her hands clasped in her lap, Kat with legs crossed and Judy Holiday with her knees pressed gently together all sat in a semi-circle on stage to watch the talented Nikki Blak slap us with a poem about never having been battered. The piece used vivid imagery to discuss how women had called her “lucky,” because she didn’t “wear a busted lip in place of [her] smile.” It’s a poem about choices. Here’s a clip:

“There is no place to stash a choice
/Between skin and boning
/Under the corset of femininity/
I’m supposed to cinch myself into/
All the better to keep my ribs/
Without fractures and in their proper places/
Hold my guts inside my body/
Keep me propped upright/
Only able to bind my daughters’/Masterfully crafted feet
/For the beauty of tradition/
So that she, like me,/And every woman before her
/Will never be able to leave”

During her set, she also did a contrasting hilarious untitled piece about that dude you just can’t get rid of, because sometimes he’s useful enough to buy you a whole pizza and a gallon of ice cream. Good shit.

Judy Holiday, the mother of Brass Knuckles was up next. I loved the craft of the piece entitled “The Canadian Boy Who Wants to Bring Home Muh Bacon.” It narrates the tale of a soft man — a captain save-a-hoe — and the woman who is using him knowing she’ll never actually wear the ring he keeps “tracing around [her] left finger.” This was one of her lighter pieces.

A serious storyteller, Judy Holiday normally goes deep — heart wrenching even. She has a poem about her mother, where she says “I am coffee chugging and chain smoking just to be closer to your breath.” I don’t know the title, but my favorite line is “You always did wear ghetto as if it were a medal.” My number one Holiday joint is “Love Me Like Childhood,” which starts out “Miss me/ like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and fruit roll ups in super hero lunch pails sitting on midget tables/washing away the sore losing of dodge ball games with Capri Suns.” She had me back in first grade with “gold stars on behavior charts” and “Care Bear backpacks.”

Tamara Blue was introduced by Simply Kat as her “number one.” The two have known each other since their late teens, and their bond is evident. The second poem by Tam, delivered through tear covered lips, hit home with me. It was about how somewhere there’s a chick on Facebook, MySpace or Twitter wishing for one more chance to give your husband “head.” Given the messages I’ve read, some exes just can’t let it go. Bwaaahaaaaa! Anyway, I have the “mango flavored Halls” in my mouth (Insider. You should have been there). It was an emotional set as Tam rekindled her love for the creator and garnered hugs and support from everyone on stage.  Her introductory poem was so inspiring! The line I’ll take with me is, “I wanna take classes so that I can … teach classes.”

Jimetta Rose closed with a song that’s still stuck in my head. In fact, I think Mooch is humming it right now. The chorus goes, “Children, they play with guns. Gangstas, they kill with guns. Only time that I’m go’n’ need my gun, is when revolution comes.” The words spoken and sang at Brass Knuckles on Monday night were amazing, but most memorable will be the love and struggle that seems to bind these five women together through “beat downs” and “front porch gossip.” To quote the charismatic Jaha again, “These women should be on HBO.”

The Boom Girls will be performing together again this Thursday night at:

The Bakery Poetry Lounge
Admission: $10 with two drinks complimentary
Location: 11020 Magnolia Blvd. North Hollywood CA
Suggested Parking Vineland and Magnolia at Carls Jr.

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Tuesdays with Mooch and Fuss: Giggles and Bentos

Fuss and I went to Giggles ‘N Hugs yesterday. Something special was happening at our house and we needed to be out for a few hours. She had so much fun she busted her lip climbing into a parachute. Check out the pics below.

I was in Koreatown when I saw the cutest little bento set! Both of Mooch’s lunch boxes are kind of torn up and missing containers, so I picked it up. It was just what I needed to put the excitement back into making lunches. Now I want to get one for me and Fuss. Check the gallery below.

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Marital Mondays: Burnt Out. Going In.

I grabbed my curling iron last night while Hannibal was reading Mooch a bedtime story and started curling my hair in her bathroom. Honestly, I didn’t feel like listening to the Save the Bell-esque plot of another Amy Hodgepodge book. Someone got her like five of them for her birthday and it’s now the last thing left on her shelf to read. I have to make some library time!

Anyway, I hadn’t left the house all day Sunday, and now I wanted out, only I didn’t really feel like getting dressed or actually leaving. My hair looked fly for no reason, but I still had no clothes or jewelry on. When I went to the kitchen to remove the salmon so the oven wouldn’t beep and wake Ella, I realized that Hannibal and I would be having dinner alone (Mooch had eaten out with her mentor at California Pizza Kitchen, and Ella eats dinner at like five o’ clock).

It all started when I let a candle for the table. “I’m not going out. I’m going in!” I said to myself as I dashed in our room to throw on some lingerie and cover it up with a robe. I plated the food, set the table and put drinks out for two. Then I went back to Mooch’s room, where Hannibal was already tucking her in. I kissed her, gave her the nightly glass of water, and made a mad dash for our bedroom to toss the robe.

When I walked out, Hannibal was clearly surprised. “Wow! I thought you were leaving and going to meet Keisha for dinner. You look amazing!” he said, with a twinkle in his eyes.

“I want to have dinner with you … and other candlelit things” I replied, adding the straw to his Orange Peach Mango juice. We sat and ate, and we had one of the best conversations we’ve had in a long time. We talked about character development versus plot, Star Wars, the life of Malcolm X, and the Dictionary of Angels. It was fascinating!

And then, of course, there was the bene”dick”tion. 😉

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Thematic Thursdays: Don’t be a Retrosexual!

This is not about decorating your wee-wee with flowers and peace signs or jacking off to Jimi Hendrix. It’s about how often you decide to go online and flirt with your ex after “kicking them to the curb.” Whether in a new relationship with a mole covered hag or drop-dead gorgeous brainiac, it’s hard for people to ignore the power of having an ex a few clicks away. Don’t let Facebook ruin your new joint, here are some tips for putting out that digital “old flame.”

Don’t be a Retrosexual!

1. Remove his/her special ring tone from your phone. As a matter of fact take their picture off of your wallpaper, and delete their number too!

Sidenote: Gmail has a feature, where you can auto-delete emails from specific senders. Go ahead and set that filter, and you never have to see an exes email again!

2. If you can’t muster up the courage to delete them, put them in an “Old Business” Facebook list that can’t see your status updates and hide their status updates in your feed.

Sidenote: Stop looking to add that broad from three exes ago. You left her for a reason. Remember?

3. Don’t go on MySpace. No one does that anymore anyway. There’s nothing but skeletons and forgotten STDs there. Stay away.

4. If you have his passwords … Why do you have his passwords??? You’re a stalker. Get help. I can’t save you.

5. Don’t look at pictures of the two of you together, because that will only make it worse. Fortunately, the “Photo Memories” feature on Facebook won’t show pics of people you’ve listed as “in a relationship.”

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