I’ve experienced love’s deepest throat probings and its crappy, desperate chick-flick sob stories. There probably isn’t a sexual leaf that I haven’t turned over, and I certainly wouldn’t change any of it. With all of the character that I built on teen binge weekends and long-term relationships, I never overcame my fear of public displays of affection.
I know. Pick your jaw up. I’ve been this way with every schmuck I’ve dated, and I didn’t quite figure in how such a thing would affect a marriage. Well, it has. I never thought I’d become the hairy old cat lady tossing styrofoam containers, with half-eaten fried chicken bones hanging out of them, onto the nightstand. I just wasn’t sure, after I had Mooch, that I would or should get married. I was content with just the two of us, and I didn’t mind kissing the kid in public — only men.
There was something about the sleazy way I felt when couples stood in front of me at Magic Mountain groping each other’s glutes. Don’t get me wrong. I never called out, “Get a room” to enamored pedestrians swapping slobber on city street corners. I just made a note to self, somewhere along the way, that the guys hanging over the banisters at the Fox Hills Mall would never snicker at me and any of my mates.
Well, yesterday, in the middle of a crowded Ralph’s parking lot, I lost touch with reality. We had a pretty sleepless weekend, given Hannibal’s private karaoke gig and Fuss’ need for closeness during teething. Despite all of this, our mid-day, impromptu grocery excursion was so peaceful and full of laughs. By the time we got to the check-out lane, our energy was bouncing back and forth. We were setting up jokes for each other right and left. Three lanes of cashiers and baggers were cracking up.
High on laughter, as I was helping load the bags into the backseat, I looked at Hannibal. It was like he understood, because he went in for the kiss, so I wouldn’t have to. Though it was brief, I’ll never forget it.
There have only been a few times in my life, where time stood still. I’m pretty sure my wedding day was one of them. When people thought I had cold feet, I was really in that bathroom prepping myself to kiss Hannibal in front of over one hundred guests. Considering the leg wrap I saw on the video, I think I tuned everyone out and did alright.