Tuesdays With Mooch & Fuss: Owl Penis
MOOCH
I took Fuss to urgent care last night after dinner, and I left Hannibal with Mooch to finish up her homework and see that she made her lunch, showered, and got in the bed. When I got to Kaiser, there were full families with two parents three to five kids in each. I didn’t understand why they dragged all of their kids out to a sick environment and disrupted their schedules, when one parent could have stayed at home.
Well, imagine my dismay, when I got home to find a fully clothed, filthy Mooch at the table Googling “owl penis” instead of resting in bed, with a packed lunch in the fridge! It was like one of those scenes from The Cosby Show, where Cliff messes up and Clair goes on a rampage. Except it wasn’t a scene from The Cosby Show, because they didn’t say “owl penis” on The Cosby Show!!!
Mooch is doing a research project on owls for school. She, apparently, has typed, “Do owls have sex?” as one of her research questions. I, of course, am fine with this question. I don’t know how the rest of the parents in her class would respond to a presentation on Owl Sex. So she spent an hour with Hannibal looking for Google images of an owl penis. I came home and in two seconds researched that they technically don’t have one. It’s microscopic, and it’s called a “crevecum.” An owl climbs on top of his female and squirts sperm from his cloaca into hers. Most birds don’t have dicks. Ostriches and ducks are among the few that do. *Sigh* I should have just taken the whole family with me to the hospital.
FUSS
Fuss vomited on Sunday as we stepped into a restaurant, but I typically don’t do doctors for stuff like that. I figured it was something she ate or a stomach virus. I gave her some Temp-Assure and put her to bed. Unfortunately, on Monday, her fever persisted — reaching 104 degrees. I began to ask her if things hurt. For ears, she answered, “No.” Her throat looked fine. Then I remembered that she has been urinating more frequently — like twice per night. Normally, she sleeps through the night and doesn’t pee at all. I asked, “Does it hurt when you urinate?” She answered with an emphatic, “Yes!”
I packed her up and took her. She wouldn’t piss in the cup, because she didn’t have to go at that time. I gave her many chances and finally opted to have a catheter inserted. It was quick, and we got the urine we needed. The test came back negative. We went through a lot of rigamarole, but at least we ruled it out, and there are no antibiotics necessary. Now, I’m giving probiotics, and avoiding soy milk (which I think may be the real culprit). She’s so listless and cuddly and warm. It’s quite a contrast from her usual Tigger-esque nature.
Marital Mondays: The Un-Mother’s Day
I did not celebrate Mother’s Day yesterday, and it was awesome. I laid in the bed butt naked watching Scandal and Grey’s Anatomy, while eating cereal. I must have been well-rested, because by 3pm, I was up putting the rest of our one million books in the shelves.
The girls jumped on their new trampoline for two hours straight! This allowed Hannibal and I to catch a rom-com on the Starz Network, largely uninterrupted. That was nice. We watched “Friends With Benefits.” Surprisingly, Justin Timberlake wasn’t horrible.
I didn’t feel like cooking, so we all got dressed around 5ish and headed out to Bossa Nova, but as soon as we entered the restaurant, Fuss vomited all over the floor, and Hannibal, and Sunset Boulevard. I’m so glad it wasn’t really Mother’s Day, because that would have really sucked. Since I wasn’t celebrating Mother’s Day, we just got take-out, went to Target to grab new outfits for both of them, and finished our grocery shopping for the week.
Tuesdays With Mooch & Fuss: Homeschool and Commercials
MOOCH
Mooch class went to San Diego Wild Animal Park today (Wednesday), so she won’t be back until 7:30pm. I was so happy that she was able to go. When she booked a commercial Monday for Famous Footwear, we weren’t sure whether she’d be working Wednesday or not. It’s getting to the point where she’s starting to miss out on certain friends parties or portions of the All-School Camping Trip at her school. Each time, I ask her to choose, she chooses to work. She will begin working on a series in June, so she’s excited about that, also.
Unfortunately, there won’t be pictures from today’s trip, because I didn’t trust her with a camera. She took so much with her — lunch, jacket, Nintendo DS, games — that I didn’t want to risk it. I’ll try to remember to let you know what she learned. Oh, also, she finally went to an Olivia’s Dollhouse Tea Party event for her friend’s birthday. Meh. Here’s a picture from that.
FUSS
Fuss is working on the number ’8,’ color “blue,” and a couple of art projects this week. The most exciting thing is that we’re settled now, and we purchased our new fish today! She was so happy there was a purple one. We got three this time instead of two, and I wanted to make sure they didn’t look like the last two. That would seem too much like replacement. Fuss has already named the purple Glass Fish, “Morado.” I’m waiting until Mooch gets home, so she can name the blue Beta Fish (that’s one of her favorite colors in addition to yellow). The black Goldfish is for me and Hannibal. I’m thinking “Unity” for it’s name, but I’ll check with H.
To see more of Fuss’ homeschooling, please click here.
Tuesdays With Mooch & Fuss: Be Gentle
I fell in love with an overweight girl named Portia. She is soft to the touch. Calm. She’s also disabled. Portia is a genetically modified turkey, who was rescued from Thanksgiving. The meat industry had every intention of fattening Portia up for someone’s plate, so now her body won’t stop growing, and her legs can no longer support her weight. Portia sits in a wagon all day now. She receives lots of love, healthy food, and water, but it’s too bad that she can’t run around.
Mooch and Fuss piled into a Subaru with me, my sister-in-law, and my brother this past Saturday to visit Gentle Barn in Santa Clarita. We all really enjoyed it! The girls brushed Buttercup, a cow rescued from a cruelty case when she was 8 months pregnant. Fuss was fascinated watching Crystal, a cow rescued from the dairy industry, urinate and take a dump. The girls fed carrots to numerous horses and a fun donkey, named Addison. There was even a beautiful peacock!
We listened to a brief presentation about the history of the barn and how to behave in the upper barn, where the turkeys, chickens, pigs, llama, sheep, and an emu, named Yoda lived. Fuss was timid at first, but soon she was feeding grass to goats, and laying on her favorite pig, Biscuit. Biscuit weighs nearly 1,000 pounds and soon he will have the same problem Portia does. There is, unfortunately, no way to slow down the weight gain once it has been expedited.
We didn’t have a sad time. On the contrary, the girls cuddled the animals and received an affectionate learning experience that no zoo could provide. They even got their faces painted for free at the end! It was awesome.
Tuesdays With Mooch & Fuss: Staying Active
Mooch was tired of feeling left out at school, so I told her that perhaps secluding herself in the library studying Greek Mythology had something to do with it. I offered that maybe she should give soccer a shot just once, and that if she made a mistake on the field, she would learn from it. She stated that she didn’t like soccer, because she wasn’t good at it, and that she wasn’t going to try this option.
Last week, I was helping with the auction project for her class, and Fuss wandered out of the project room. When I noticed her gone, I searched the field for her, and who did I spot playing soccer with a huge smile on her face? Mooch. I didn’t bother her. I just watched her play from the window. When I asked her how her day was today, she told me all about her newfound love for the sport. I pretended to be shocked. *chuckle* She said, “I’ve been playing for a week now, Mom.”
I updated Mooch’s website the other night with new videos of recent work, etc. I also designed new typography for her, but I’m still going to redesign her whole site all together. I just need a free moment to do that. Right.
Fuss has finished her dinosaur unit, and I hardly captured any of it on camera. The documenting seems to go well when we’re outside, but it’s distracting to her in the classroom. Anyway, she cut between pterodactyls on strips of paper, played matching games, experienced a dino sensory tub, acted like a dinosaur, and learned the names of several throughout the process.
She’s been taking a little dance class with me, which has allowed her to express her rhythmic ability and get out some of that energy. In the summer, I will revisit gymnastics, and see if she is a little more focused. She walks on brick walls, does little spins, and loves to swing extra high at the park, so she’ll enjoy every second of it once she can stick with the group and not be married to the trampoline.
For more about homeschooling Fuss, please click here: Teaching Fuss.
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