Marital Mondays: Medieval (Photos)
Hannibal carried the globe around a candle in our living room thirty-nine times symbolizing this last trip around the sun. He got super dizzy, so we’ve vowed that people over fifteen in this house would not have this as part of their birthday tradition. He says that I *have* to do it this year at thirty-one, because I cackled at him the whole time and made him finish.
We had wonderful cupcakes from JAM Vegan Bakery. They are the best on the planet! Trust me. Mooch bought Hannibal a Transformer with her own little money. I got him clothes, because his clothes are … I got him clothes. If you missed the birthday weekend blog, we went Chicago Stepping.
The final celebration of Hannibal’s birthday was a trip to Medieval Times the weekend after his birthday. It was exciting and the food was good, but all I could think about animal cruelty and slow fight choreography. I don’t really have time to go into details, so check the photos below.
Workin’ Wednesdays: Nothing Fancy Here Today Folks
This has been a week of paperwork, paper cuts, and douche-baggery.
I had to fill out a mountain of paperwork and sell my spleen, because Mooch is SAG and that means a million puppies would die if I didn’t get her into the union by today. That last bit of hyperbole should be interpreted as such: The Toyota commercial was the final straw. SAG said she better join … or else.
Then yesterday all of our tax info finally came, so I had to organize everything in preparation to file. This has to be rushed to meet Mooch’s financial aid requirements. I am ragged from paper work.
I’m also building one client’s site from the ground up and designing other random items in the interim. I’m tired, but our bills are paid, the hard work is paying off, and Mooch is in the union! Yay!
Tuesdays With Mooch and Fuss: Command Center (Photos)
The Command Center is finished! It’s sooo cute and, therefore, inspiring. It really makes the kids want to pick up a broom and do a chore. Here are the pics:
Close ups in the gallery below
There’s a calendar for our monthly menu (that’ll start February 1st). Right now it just has key dates and events to remember. There is also a homemade dry erase board containing each person’s morning and evening schedules, a mailbox for each of us and a chore chart. I added a few photos to embellish, and one can’t help but stare at the wall when walking by.
MOOCH
Mooch has had ups and downs in the last week. She shot a Toyota commercial and did extraordinarily well. I was super proud. It was my first time seeing her really work lines and comedic timing. She also took direction well, and I can’t wait to see the finished product.
Saturday night, however, when Hannibal and I went Chicago Steppin’ for his birthday, Mooch acted out with the baby sitter. She was rude (read: snatching the phone from the sitter’s hand and asking if the caller was her boyfriend). She even made up a bunch of lies. For example, “My mom always lets me take a bath with my sister” and “she lets me wash her, too.” This resulted in Mooch pouring water all over an excited Fuss and almost drowning her by accident. She played Glee Karaoke on the Wii with the sitter and wouldn’t let the sitter sing her songs. It was awful. To add icing she stated, “I bet you’re only baby sitting us for the money.”
Let’s be clear. Mooch loves the sitter. She is always so enthused that they’ll be able to play and read together. I think she just got a little beside herself. Anyway, Mooch is not allowed to watch TV or play video games for four weeks. She also wrote a three paged letter to the sitter and had to read it to her in front of her family. Lastly, we made Mooch pay the sitter by taking the contents of her piggy bank to CoinStar. We simply could not let her believe this behavior was acceptable.
FUSS
Fuss is super helpful around the house. She cleans up. She puts things away. She offers support. She is even doing a very good job taking care of her fish and her plant. I really like how she is turning out.
Lately, unless she super sleepy or hungry, I haven’t had the issue of her going from zero to tantrum in less than two seconds. She’s using her humongous vocabulary to express herself. I added a feelings poster to the first wall of the classroom, and that has helped tremendously. She is able to identify the various feelings as they are happening. Sometimes she confuses the tenses or just plain mixes up the words, but we get what she’s trying to say. For example, she’ll often say, “I’m mean. I’m mean right now.” She really means she’s angry. It is very clear, though.
Academically, she’s been very interested in her abacus for the past couple of weeks. She uses it to count, and she usually stops at about thirty-five and moves on to something else. We count everything throughout the day (steps, utensils, beans, people in a room, tires on the car), and she thoroughly enjoys this. None of her classroom experiences have decreased her interests in technology (read: Hannibal’s ipad and my phone), but she is definitely very balanced between the two, and I think that’s just fine.
Marital Mondays: Step in the Name of Love
“You want to build the foundation. Then you can add the style and flavor. Once you have the foundation, you can do this dance for a lifetime and always come up with new combinations — new ways to move together.”
When I led a timid, confused Hannibal onto the glossy hardwood floor of a surprise “Urban Ballroom” dance lesson, I expected to lock hands, get into the groove, and learn — you know, kinesthetically. It turned out that everyone usually arrives a little late, so we ended up getting a fairly private lesson. I could feel my impatience boiling beneath the surface of my forced smile as the instructor talked and talked before we even got to do the first step.
Then I put my excitement on pause, and really tried to live in the moment. Maybe this fast talking, middle-aged cat from the south side of Chicago had a message that I could apply off of the dance floor. He never made any assumptions, nor did he reference marriage at any point, but the tools necessary to carry out “steppin’” gracefully seemed to parallel those of a relationship so well — once I got over trying to hurry up and get my boogie on.
“Relax your shoulder.” “Let him lead.” “Live in the pauses.” “Trust your partner.”
While Hannibal focused on my waist and nearly busted two blood vessels in his forehead trying to stay on count, I had my own set of issues. I had to fight back my desire to take over and turn that “mutha” out, not break into the cha-cha, relax my elbow on my turn, keep the beat with my feet like a metronome, and somehow enjoy myself in the process. Umm … yeah. My hips still hurt just thinking about it. Did I mention that I wore 5 inch zebra print heels trying to be cute?
Sometimes marriage is like that. Each party is doing their own thing, and even though they are communicating, they forget to enjoy the pauses. The trust gets muddied when we think, “Well, I know she slips in this area, so let me just pick up the slack for her without even letting her know what I’m about to do” or “He doesn’t do this part as well as I do, so let me put some of my expertise on it for him, even though it might cause him to accidentally stumble in another area.” In both the dance and the relationship, we are each in control of our respective areas, and we must maintain that while still being aware of the other’s responsibilities. It’s all enough to make a person get too nervous and just sit down, but while managing all of the aspects, both parties have to look and feel relaxed. Let’s just say, I became aware early in the lesson that Hannibal and I are still very much newlyweds — both on the dance floor and in our daily lives.
The amazing thing is that we actually did learn a lot of dancing! He was building the foundation with both lecture and kinesthetics. While it wasn’t necessarily the way I would have delivered the lesson, I learned so much more than Chicago Steppin’. The teacher had achieved his goal of “not building a house of cards,” and he even managed to teach us a few turns. By the last half hour, we were sent onto the floor to practice our new technique alongside the intermediate/advanced latecomers. I’m not sure I’ve mastered “staying in my lane” (in any aspect of my live), but we had a lot of fun laughing at ourselves and feeling on each other.
Staring at Hannibal’s pelvis for two hours wasn’t bad either.
Thematic Thursdays: Cheer Up For Your Kid’s Sake
Are you pessimistic or optimistic? Take a look at the way your kids view things, and you’ll get a pretty good idea. My eldest daughter is a “Debbie Downer,” but she didn’t get this way on her own. The last couple of years have been full of dinner conversations, where we talk about all of the horrible things in our days. I walk around the house ranting about things that need to be fixed, and finding crafty ways to fix them. Hannibal has less than stellar reviews of his co-workers each day. Then we listen to KPFK in the morning on the way to school, and Sonali discusses all of the “uprisings” in the world. Despite how happy we are with each other and how awesome and inventive the solutions are that we find to the aforementioned problems, Mooch is focused on one thing — the world has problems. Lots of them.
This has affected both the way she interacts with her friends at school and the energy she puts out. I met with her teachers yesterday to discuss her recent requests to return to home schooling. I had sent an email and wanted to get their perspectives. Mooch has been writing me “I Miss You” notes from school each day and giving them to me when she gets in the car. She has also complained about a girl in her class, who really drives her up the chalkboard. Repeatedly she states that there is no one to play with, yet she’s constantly invited on play dates. Mooch has had nothing but horrible things to say about school and the curriculum this entire year. These things are difficult to hear when we are paying the tuition we pay.
Well, apparently, her teachers had noticed the same pattern. The class meets once per week for “Pats and Spats,” where children are encouraged to speak up and compliment or bring up a concern they have with another student. This process is done in a very safe environment. Mooch almost never GIVES any pats. In fact, she rarely says anything. Her teacher said Mooch had shared with her that she “doesn’t believe in the process, because kids do the same old things when they get back on the yard.” She does, however, like to RECEIVE pats. The other day, her teacher saw her playing, laughing and having a great time with at least five other girls on the yard, and when they came in for pats, Mooch had no recollection of that. The good times just don’t stand out to her. Just after enjoying herself, she said, “No one ever wants to play with me.”
I found the two tools that one of her teachers has been using to be very useful, so I thought I’d share them here! I’ve been using them for the past two days now, and we have had really great evenings.
1. She guides her conversations with Mooch now (almost like leading the witness).
For instance, instead of “How was your birthday this weekend?” she asked, “What fun things did you do for your birthday this weekend?” Mooch lit up with energy, and responded with all of the wonderful things that happened. Normally, she would focus right in on the number of times she fell on her roller skates.
She then follows up with “What awesome presents did you get?” All the while, she is smiling at Mooch and encouraging positive energetic responses.
As parents, we are often tired. We do care, but when we listen to our kids tell us about their day our responses are on auto-pilot, “Uh-huh. That’s great, honey. Cool.” They can pick up on the dry energy.
2. When she comes in from recess and lunch recess, she asks her to tell her two great things that happened at recess that day. I now use this in the car instead of, “How was your day?” We also use it at the dinner table now as well. It is so much more uplifting. Last night, instead of hearing about the same two co-workers that get on his nerves we learned about a pending partnership between Komplicated and Cal State LA (I can’t share details. Sorry.)
It is difficult for parents to own up to the damage that we’re doing to our children. Much of it is very subtle. We don’t want to think of ourselves as harming them in anyway, and we do the very best we can with the tools that we have at the time. One is never too old for a paradigm shift.
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