Archive for marriage

Pillow Talk: The Laugh Track

The pillow talk series contains conversations directly from our bedroom. When you and your partner leave the bills, scheduling, and kid talk in the emails, interesting whimsical conversations happen on the pillow.

from bed Thursday night …

H: Eww, I just read something creepy.

M: What?

H: “Even in today’s sitcoms, a large percentage of the people in the laugh track have since passed away. Meaning that we watch comedies marked by the laughter of dead people.”

M: Oh, that’s awesome.

H: Eww.

M: Their spirits live on each time we watch a show. Ashe!

H: No. That’s creepy.

M: I think dead people *should* laugh — especially at the living. The fact that they are performed in front of an audience of zombies, makes sitcoms much more funny.

H: That’s macabre, Myshell.

M: Your mileage may vary.

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Marital Mondays: “Birthdays Were the Worst Days … “

Watching The Blacklist, in my polka dot panties, eating chewy chocolate chip cookies, for 12 hours, with sex breaks and kisses in between … That’s what I want for my birthday. I really want to go away with Hannibal. I don’t even want to go far. It can be a hotel 7 miles away. I want to forget about calendars, bills, lessons, practice, designing, housework, email correspondence, anemia, hair combing, cooking and driving. I don’t even want either of us to drive to the hotel. We can take an Uber. I just want to chill.

This is really just a fantasy. I’ll likely celebrate my October birthday in December when Mooch’s play is over. There’s no way we can go away — not both of us (Well there is, but it involves so much planning, food labeling, worrying, paying people, and stress, that it is not worth it at all). It was fun blogging about it, though.

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Marital Mondays: In Sickness …

Hannibal agreed to shave my legs for me. I’m not able to do it. In fact, even taking a shower is difficult because doing activities that require me to go from low to high cause me a great deal of dizziness. That means washing my feet has become a task that leaves me anxious. I’ve fallen twice. I have to park within 70 steps of where I’m going, or I’ll be short of breath. Other than that, my anemia makes me feel weak and achy like I have the flu.

I know that all sounds horrible, but in my opinion, none of it is as bad as having to accept help. It didn’t really dawn on me how ill I’d been feeling for the past few months until my sweet friend inboxed me on Facebook offering to mop my floors for me. As tears splashed on my knuckles, I actually typed the words “yes” and “please” instead of “no” and “thank you.” The most unusual combination of gratefulness and defeat came over me.

I’ve tried so many options (different supplements, a transfusion last year, even a meaty diet). I’ve had all the tests — no fibroids, no colon issues, light menstrual cycle, etc. Doctors don’t seem to use the scientific method anymore, so I’ve been testing hypotheses myself. A couple of weeks ago, I realized the Ibuprofen I pound for sinus headaches could be causing some problems. I initially thought it may have given me an ulcer and blood was being lost there. My nutritionist fine-tuned my guess. She said Ibuprofen does things to the intestinal tract that decrease absorption — not just of iron but of lots of other nutrients as well.

I have stopped the Ibuprofen, and I’m using the ginger and nettle tea she suggested for my sinus headaches. She also said that, unfortunately, Floradix is no longer a good iron supplement. They changed their formula, so she suggested FeraMax 150. I ordered it.

Meanwhile, Hannibal is being incredibly supportive. My body used to crash on me at 6pm when he got home. Now it gives out at 1pm, and I trudge along for the rest of the day on sheer willpower. I try to get all of the important stuff done in the morning (even cooking dinner). Then the afternoons are just driving kids here and there. I’m so exhausted. More blood should be on its way soon. Then the doctor will schedule another transfusion.

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Tuesdays With Mooch & Fuss: The Authentic Dad

When some of us think of daddies, we envision a motionless lump on the sofa, yelling at the television screen, with four fingers jammed into the waistline of a pair of slacks, while the other hand nurses a beer. As the mother tends to the children, he waves his hand demanding more from her — a sandwich or a flame thrower (true story). For others, the image is a bit different and includes bumbling babas brushing barbecue sauce on baguettes to nourish hungry babies. Fortunately, there is finally some gradient to the scale of fatherhood. While the tuned out corporate pops and the struggling newbie do exist, there are those dads who dive in authenticity first and give their kids all they have to offer. These are the fathers, who use what they know and do the best they possibly can. They listen to their kids, and they share all of themselves with their families.

Children, up until a certain age, are usually interested in what their parents are passionate about. Keeping up with the Thompsons doesn’t apply in a child’s eyes. A dad who hates Jessie and Curious George but loves Doctor Who, should watch that with his child. Explain it. Use the show to build vocabulary. Ask the little geekling what time period they’d want to travel to, and what they think they’d see there. Kids have the best bullshit radar, and they can tell when we don’t want to be coloring Strawberry Shortcake. The good news is that if it involves daddy putting away his phone/iPad, getting down on the rug, speaking enthusiastically, and laughing, Lil’ Bit doesn’t mind if the coloring book is filled with Transformers or hot wings!

Many moms and Chris Rock argue that a father, who is doing the things he is “supposed to be” doing should not be placed on a pedestal. Trust me, there are no medals being passed out here. Fathers don’t “babysit” their own kids or do chores to “help the woman out.” That would imply that dishwashing and laundry is “women’s work.” That doesn’t fit the Myshell Tabu format. When I watch my kids, I’m not babysitting, so neither is he. The dad, who truly shows up and commits to the moment, however, should be celebrated as much as a mother who does the same.

This article is about the padres who know they aren’t master chefs, but they light a fire under the skillet and make sure there is greenery on the plate. It’s the running-late-for-work-but-stop-to-read-you-a-story dads, who really make an impression. This is for the dad who spends forty-five minutes putting his daughter’s hair in a ponytail, because he remembers that time he told her “can’t” was not an option. He is a model.

Lastly, this is regarding the father who listens with the goal of true understanding. When his son says he’s hurt, he shows compassion instead of telling him to suck it up. The never-ending speech his daughter spat about her wonderful day at school goes in one ear and lands on his heart.

The dad who lies somewhere on the spectrum between idiot and apathy represents balance. He is going hard in the finger paint for his kids, and that deserves some acknowledgement. If everyone in the house is contributing their best, the kids can’t lose. In fact, everyone wins.

The outside of Fort Awesome

Hannibal and Mooch honor the fort before tearing it down.

Fuss made the sign for Fort Awesome

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Pillow Talk: Haircuts and Grooming

The pillow talk series contains conversations directly from our bedroom. When you and your partner leave the bills, scheduling, and kid talk in the emails, interesting whimsical conversations happen on the pillow.

from bed Thursday night …

M: I had a dream I could solve all of your problems with tattoos. Well, not all your problems, but your “I don’t have time to get a haircut” problem.

H:But I won’t get tattoos. I don’t care for them.

M: So what. Just hear me out.

H: (Listening)

M: We’re going to drive you to Jay and have him shave all of your hair and facial hair off. Then, I’ll pull out my eyeliner and have him draw the whole mustache Van Dyke situation on. Next, I’ll put you in the car and take you to the nearest tattoo parlor with good Yelp reviews (this is your face). The artist will tattoo over what Jay drew. Voila! No more driving all the way to Gardena to get your hair cut.

H: There’s a problem

M: You only found one problem with that? That’s awesome.

H: No, I found tons, but one is just major.

M: What?

H: I don’t like needles.

M: I had a friend who got her EYELINER tatted on. This is your chin. You’ll be fine.

H: My hair is still going to grow back. How does this eliminate haircuts?

M: We can shave you clean at home each week. Skill won’t matter, because you’ll have the necessary facial hair design underneath! We’ll have the guides, you can even leave a little hair coming out of the tattoos if you want to. It’ll look more realistic.

H: Ya think?

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