Tuesdays With Mooch & Fuss: Owl Penis
MOOCH
I took Fuss to urgent care last night after dinner, and I left Hannibal with Mooch to finish up her homework and see that she made her lunch, showered, and got in the bed. When I got to Kaiser, there were full families with two parents three to five kids in each. I didn’t understand why they dragged all of their kids out to a sick environment and disrupted their schedules, when one parent could have stayed at home.
Well, imagine my dismay, when I got home to find a fully clothed, filthy Mooch at the table Googling “owl penis” instead of resting in bed, with a packed lunch in the fridge! It was like one of those scenes from The Cosby Show, where Cliff messes up and Clair goes on a rampage. Except it wasn’t a scene from The Cosby Show, because they didn’t say “owl penis” on The Cosby Show!!!
Mooch is doing a research project on owls for school. She, apparently, has typed, “Do owls have sex?” as one of her research questions. I, of course, am fine with this question. I don’t know how the rest of the parents in her class would respond to a presentation on Owl Sex. So she spent an hour with Hannibal looking for Google images of an owl penis. I came home and in two seconds researched that they technically don’t have one. It’s microscopic, and it’s called a “crevecum.” An owl climbs on top of his female and squirts sperm from his cloaca into hers. Most birds don’t have dicks. Ostriches and ducks are among the few that do. *Sigh* I should have just taken the whole family with me to the hospital.
FUSS
Fuss vomited on Sunday as we stepped into a restaurant, but I typically don’t do doctors for stuff like that. I figured it was something she ate or a stomach virus. I gave her some Temp-Assure and put her to bed. Unfortunately, on Monday, her fever persisted — reaching 104 degrees. I began to ask her if things hurt. For ears, she answered, “No.” Her throat looked fine. Then I remembered that she has been urinating more frequently — like twice per night. Normally, she sleeps through the night and doesn’t pee at all. I asked, “Does it hurt when you urinate?” She answered with an emphatic, “Yes!”
I packed her up and took her. She wouldn’t piss in the cup, because she didn’t have to go at that time. I gave her many chances and finally opted to have a catheter inserted. It was quick, and we got the urine we needed. The test came back negative. We went through a lot of rigamarole, but at least we ruled it out, and there are no antibiotics necessary. Now, I’m giving probiotics, and avoiding soy milk (which I think may be the real culprit). She’s so listless and cuddly and warm. It’s quite a contrast from her usual Tigger-esque nature.
Tuesdays With Mooch & Fuss: Staying Active
Mooch was tired of feeling left out at school, so I told her that perhaps secluding herself in the library studying Greek Mythology had something to do with it. I offered that maybe she should give soccer a shot just once, and that if she made a mistake on the field, she would learn from it. She stated that she didn’t like soccer, because she wasn’t good at it, and that she wasn’t going to try this option.
Last week, I was helping with the auction project for her class, and Fuss wandered out of the project room. When I noticed her gone, I searched the field for her, and who did I spot playing soccer with a huge smile on her face? Mooch. I didn’t bother her. I just watched her play from the window. When I asked her how her day was today, she told me all about her newfound love for the sport. I pretended to be shocked. *chuckle* She said, “I’ve been playing for a week now, Mom.”
I updated Mooch’s website the other night with new videos of recent work, etc. I also designed new typography for her, but I’m still going to redesign her whole site all together. I just need a free moment to do that. Right.
Fuss has finished her dinosaur unit, and I hardly captured any of it on camera. The documenting seems to go well when we’re outside, but it’s distracting to her in the classroom. Anyway, she cut between pterodactyls on strips of paper, played matching games, experienced a dino sensory tub, acted like a dinosaur, and learned the names of several throughout the process.
She’s been taking a little dance class with me, which has allowed her to express her rhythmic ability and get out some of that energy. In the summer, I will revisit gymnastics, and see if she is a little more focused. She walks on brick walls, does little spins, and loves to swing extra high at the park, so she’ll enjoy every second of it once she can stick with the group and not be married to the trampoline.
For more about homeschooling Fuss, please click here: Teaching Fuss.
Tuesdays With Mooch & Fuss: “Foul Spoken Coward”
Spring break is no break at all! These kids are driving me batty. Fuss’ language skills are so advanced that they argue like peers! If I’m directing an activity or they’re doing mat time, it’s fine. The second it’s free time, all hell breaks loose. Fuss usually provokes Mooch, but sometimes it’s the other way around. Today Mooch went sledding in Wrightwood with her friend, so it’s sort of back to normal. I have to program the rest of the week a little better, though, or none of us will make it through it.
Mooch warming up before the show
Mooch did very will in her performance this weekend. We were all proud. When she performed her theatre pieces, she projected, enunciated, and delivered her lines with clear objectives. She also sang Abbey Lincoln’s “All Africa” solo with student accompaniment on percussion and guitar. Her remake of “Freedom Day” with the following lyrics was hilarious.
Stretch it, pull it
Twirl it, Swirl it
Doesn’t feel like felt
Rice cheese, Daiya
Soy cheese, almond
Can it really melt?
My mouth waters
Eyes get wider
Brings me to my knees
On my sandwich
On my taco
This is vegan cheeseVegan cheese
It’s vegan cheese
No more cheddar or gouda please
Every Whole Foods grocery store
They just sell me more and more
Please don’t ask me why my child always writes about food. The audience cracked up laughing, though.
Tuesdays With Mooch & Fuss: Pita Pizzas Schoolhouse Rocks Nokia
Last Saturday, the girls and I made pita pizzas. It was really simple, because I didn’t make the sauce from scratch this time around. We just used pita bread, spaghetti sauce, fresh spinach, and Daiya (soyless vegan cheese). It’s such a simple recipe that even Fuss could participate fully. In fact, she made her own. They were really yummy.
You basically preheat the oven to 425 degrees, spread the sauce on sprinkle spinach (or whatever toppings you want) and cheese, and then bake it for 10-12 minutes.
This past Friday, Mooch starred as the conductor in her class’ Schoolhouse Rocks play. She sang Conjunction Junction with the class singing background. It was awesome! She’ll be shooting a Nokia commercial this coming Monday and a web series in April and May. She’s on avail for Capitol One, but I’ll keep you posted.
To read or see more about homeschooling Fuss, please visit Teaching Fuss.
Tuesdays With Mooch & Fuss: Random Thoughts
This is super random, but it’s exactly what’s going on in my head right now.
1. I have to make a multiplication rap song and record it tonight, because Mooch’s school uses a math program that is insufficient. She says all of her rich friends have tutors and that’s where they actually learn, while their parents pay for the crunchy granola education they want them to receive during the daytime. *blank stare* If it weren’t for their writing program, she’d be home-schooled next year.
2. Fuss still whines at an Olympic rate, so I need to revisit techniques for getting rid of that. She’s really thriving academically, but if she could cry less, I’d have fewer gray hairs.
3. Fuss needs new pants, again. Why is she so tall?
4. I need to figure out a new hairstyle for Fuss, so she doesn’t lose her edges.
5. I have to help Mooch with piano today, but I never really learned to play piano with both hands. Uh … bass clef, anyone?
6. I’m tired of driving.
7. I think everyone in the house is ill right now except for me.
8. Mooch is excelling in her extra-curricular activities and it’s making her self-esteem rise. I can see it.
9. Good boys do fine always.
10. I need a nap.
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