Marital Mondays: How H&M Got Their Groove Back

We are workaholics — both of us. Hannibal and I did some serious marital focusing this week — showering together, lots of pillow talk, sex, and even a date night Saturday to eat overlooking the water (Awesome!) and watch The Rum Diary together (meh). This week was so much fun, I made a to-do list.

1. Write my will. (It’s a long story)
2. Establish a monthly date night.
3. Resume our cuddle time (at least 5 nights per week)
4. Start making New Years’ resolutions (I know I said that was stupid, but I’m
growing up, okay?)
5. More morning sex (if we can beat Fuss’ wake up time)

We interrupt this list for Hannibal’s shoulder surfing interjection:

H: You have a lot of sex on this list.
M: It’s not a lot. It just says “more morning sex.” I like morning sex.
H: Well, it’s 33%.
M: I’m pretty sure you failed math class. That’s not 33%.
H: Yes, it is.
M: I don’t care if it’s 99% as long as you occupy this coochie.
H: (laughing)

Anyway, back to my list.

6. Buy more candles.
7. Don’t go to the movies after 9pm.
8. Be more affection in FRONT of the kids.
9. Be nicer to each other in FRONT of the kids.

We interrupt this list for ANOTHER Hannibal’s shoulder surfing interjection:

H: Yeah, what’s up with that? Why are we only nice to each other after they go to bed?
M: I don’t know. We’re overworked, tired, and not making good choices.
H: Seems legit. We have to do better.
M: Yup. That’s why I’m making a to-do list. This is growth, baby!! Get some!
H: You’re a lot more pumped than you probably should be with post-nasal drip and all.
M: Anyway, back to my list. What should be #10? It has to be either big, profound, or funny.
H: So, it’s my penis!
M: You know what’s more profound than your penis?
H: What?
M: Deez Nuts!!


M: Somebody is going to come to this site thinking I’m talking about the store, H&M, and they’re going to get a rude penile awakening.
H: Isn’t that the Julian Assange story?

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